Downtime
Downtime
This has been an unusual year. Due to a health issue, I’ve had more “downtime” than at almost any other time in my life, perhaps since childhood. I didn’t feel great, and if I did too much, I felt even worse, so it was in my best interest to be still and quiet. For someone with a full life, a fulfilling career, and an active family, this was a significant change of pace.
Still and quiet isn’t my usual speed on any given day, so I had to find something to do… enter jigsaw puzzles. We did puzzles as a family growing up, but I don’t usually have much time for them now. But my parents do, so they stocked me up. I’ve lost count of how many jigsaw puzzles I’ve done this year. Mostly 1000 piece puzzles but also a few 2000 piece-ers, one of which I completed in five days. The puzzle in the picture above was a gift from my mom and dad, along with a few bags of candy. This one took slightly longer than five days!
And I learned something about myself with all this downtime and all these puzzles. I discovered that jigsaw puzzles are quite contemplative for me. What I mean is that when I’m working on something like a puzzle and my hands are busy, my mind is still. And by still, I mean less racing and distracted, jumping from thing to thing. I’m more focused.
When my hands are busy, I can listen. In fact, I listen better to a lot of things, including sports, which we often have on TV, but doesn’t always interest me. When I’m doing a puzzle, I listen, follow the game, and can even learn and comment. It’s different for HGTV, which I like to watch, so that is when I knit. (Me? Knitting? It’s been a very unusual year!) But again, busy hands help me focus.
I know that seems counterintuitive to prayer and contemplation, but for me, it works. It stills all the other things that clamor for my attention, and I can listen to my thoughts. I can allow my mind to roam and pray. I can listen for God’s voice. I can mull over the things that are on my heart or my prayer list, and then listen for God.
Now that I’m better, I’m trying to continue this practice. I have a space set up to do a puzzle each week so that I have a place to go for some quiet and contemplation.
Some time ago, I came across this poem called I’m Here, I’m Listening, by Amena Brown. I rediscovered it and it speaks to me now more than ever. Let me know what you think in the comments below. And if you feel like sharing, what helps you hear God?
I'm Here, I'm Listening
Spoken word poet Amena Brown responds to the question, “How do you know when you’re hearing from God?”
She said, “How do you know when you are hearing from God?”
I didn’t know how to explain ...
My words never felt so small, so useless, so incapable
I wanted to say
Put your hand in the middle of your chest
Feel the rhythm there
I wanted to say you will find the holy text in so many places
On crinkly pages of scripture
In dusty hymnals
In the creases of a grandmother’s smile
God’s ears are here for the babies
For the immigrant, for the refugee
For the depressed, for the lonely
For the dreamers
The widow, the orphan
The oppressed and the helpless
Those about to make a mess or caught in the middle of cleaning one up
Dirt don’t scare God’s ears
God is a gardener
God knows things can’t grow without sun, rain, and soil …
I want to tell her God is always waiting
Lingering after the doors close
And the phone doesn’t ring
And we are finally alone
God is always saying
I love you
I am here
Don’t go, stay
Please
I try to explain how God is pleading with us
To trust
To love
To listen
That God’s voice is melody and bass lines and whisper and thunder and grace
Sometimes when I pray, I think of her
How the voice of God was lingering in her very question
How so many of us just like her
Just like me
Just like you
Are still searching
Still questioning, still doubting
I know I don’t have all the answers
I know I never will
That sometimes the best thing we can do is put our hands in the middle of our chest
Feel the rhythm there
Turn down the noise in our minds, in our lives
And whisper,
God
Whatever you want to say
I’m here
I’m listening
Go make peace, my friends.
Pastor Leanne
Amena Brown, “She said, ‘How do you know when you are hearing from God?’,” in A Rhythm of Prayer: A Collection of Meditations for Renewal, ed. Sarah Bessey (New York: Convergent Books, 2020), 7, 8, 9, 10–11.
Amena Brown presents this poem here on her YouTube channel. She also hosts the podcast Her with Amena Brown.
Community Presbyterian Church
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